Today I learned through a song, something very important. The song is by Brandon Heath, one of my favorite singers and writers. This is what I learned.
Even though my innocence was robbed from me as a child, I was again made, not only innocent, but righteous through the finished work of Jesus on the Cross. I love these revelations. Just wanted to share with you. Hope someone reads this that receives peace from it.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Just Another Day...Just Another Blog
First of all, I have really been trying to figure out just what a blog is. I believe I have decided it is just a way to unload your feelings of the day and then be able to, at some later date, go back and see what it was you were feeling and/or doing on that date. Rather, if you please, like a diary for senior citizen. This has no lock on it. And why should it, there are no secrets here. Well, actually (one of Addie's favorite words these days) there are some secrets here. But they are all kept from me.
For example: How do I make this look like other blogs? How do I give it any pizzazz...it just has clouds, which are nice, but that is it. I don't know how to link to other blogs...engage in conversation with other blogs...or even where other blogs might be found. Except, of course on Pinterest...which is a new passion of mine. I would like to link to some of those blogs...I would like for some people to link to my blog...I would like to have something of interest on here for someone to even want to pin to...therefore making it a pinterest kind of blog.
Actually (that word again) I just like to write and I have a lot of things inside of me to write about. No one believes any of them or understands or cares, but I do have lots inside. I have in my 4029 years of life (69 years in real terms, but since I want to stay in my forties, I just do it this way) just another one of my things I do to remain me. You see, I didn't like me for most of my life. I had a very rough bad childhood which I don't talk about and won't go into detail here either, but I was taken advantage of as a child of about 3, maybe 4, until around the age of 12 and if you think just a little you will probably be able to figure out what I am talking about. It pretty much messed me up until I was about 34 or 35 years old when I finally put it to rest....at the foot of the Cross. I hated this man. He was dead, I was glad and I hoped he was suffering in Hell as he had made me suffer in those tender young years of my life. But, even though dead and gone, he ruled my decisions and I didn't even know it. I didn't realize it. I had no way of knowing, but he did. Because of him, I deserved every bad thing that happened to me and somehow even set out to make things bad happen to me simply because I deserved them. So, as you can imagine, not only was my early childhood a mess, so was my young adulthood.
I thought for many years that my high school years were the happiest days of my life. Only to find out that because I dated a lot of guys I had a bad reputation. Go figure...I wouldn't let anyone touch me below the neck and if they tried, they were warned not to do it again and if they tried it again they were history. Lots tried, lots didn't listen, lots were history. But, it never ever occurred to me that people thought I was "that kind of girl"....or that I was wild, or anything of that nature at all. I had a lot of "friends." I ran around with a lot of girls. I was happy. I loved those years. Then 50 years later those memories are shattered when I am told by someone whom I had not seen in 50 years, "Oh, I remember you, you were really a wild one." Huh? No, I wasn't. "Oh, yes I remember you and you were." Crash...blam.....bang....there go those memories.....
So here I am at age 4029, wondering where all my good memories were taken from me like that....then I remember that "he" was the reason....I couldn't even have memories because of him...not good ones.... Then I remember that I laid him and his memory at the foot of the cross in 1978 and I forgave him and my life changed forever.
I found a true relationship with the Lord. I was able to forgive and know I was forgiven. I met my husband. We married and have been married now for 28 years and I am still blissfully happy with him. I still have my personal relationship with Jesus and I am a changed person. So, I tell you this dear blog, so I can from this day on tell you all of the wonderful things that Jesus has done for me to make my life what it is today. I am, dear blog, completely sold out to Jesus. I am "out there." I have so many miracles and wonderful things to tell you about that I can hardly wait. But, I will, for it is late and I feel very tired. It wasn't easy putting this into words to be seen....but it was liberating to do it....it is out in the open...it is over....it is, as Jesus cried out at the Cross, "It is FINISHED."
So, I will write more here...I will tell you all about my Jesus and I hope that someone will read it at just the right time so they will see Jesus and they will also begin to walk in that new life that changes everything.....That is what I want to do. I want to tell people about Jesus. I want to make jewelry and I want to make it to the glory of God. I want to write and I want to make my writing to the glory of God. Though I am neither a writer nor a jewelry maker, these are desires of my heart, and as Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." Yes Yes and Amen! Thank You Jesus!
More later my dear blog....but now I go to rest.
For example: How do I make this look like other blogs? How do I give it any pizzazz...it just has clouds, which are nice, but that is it. I don't know how to link to other blogs...engage in conversation with other blogs...or even where other blogs might be found. Except, of course on Pinterest...which is a new passion of mine. I would like to link to some of those blogs...I would like for some people to link to my blog...I would like to have something of interest on here for someone to even want to pin to...therefore making it a pinterest kind of blog.
Actually (that word again) I just like to write and I have a lot of things inside of me to write about. No one believes any of them or understands or cares, but I do have lots inside. I have in my 4029 years of life (69 years in real terms, but since I want to stay in my forties, I just do it this way) just another one of my things I do to remain me. You see, I didn't like me for most of my life. I had a very rough bad childhood which I don't talk about and won't go into detail here either, but I was taken advantage of as a child of about 3, maybe 4, until around the age of 12 and if you think just a little you will probably be able to figure out what I am talking about. It pretty much messed me up until I was about 34 or 35 years old when I finally put it to rest....at the foot of the Cross. I hated this man. He was dead, I was glad and I hoped he was suffering in Hell as he had made me suffer in those tender young years of my life. But, even though dead and gone, he ruled my decisions and I didn't even know it. I didn't realize it. I had no way of knowing, but he did. Because of him, I deserved every bad thing that happened to me and somehow even set out to make things bad happen to me simply because I deserved them. So, as you can imagine, not only was my early childhood a mess, so was my young adulthood.
I thought for many years that my high school years were the happiest days of my life. Only to find out that because I dated a lot of guys I had a bad reputation. Go figure...I wouldn't let anyone touch me below the neck and if they tried, they were warned not to do it again and if they tried it again they were history. Lots tried, lots didn't listen, lots were history. But, it never ever occurred to me that people thought I was "that kind of girl"....or that I was wild, or anything of that nature at all. I had a lot of "friends." I ran around with a lot of girls. I was happy. I loved those years. Then 50 years later those memories are shattered when I am told by someone whom I had not seen in 50 years, "Oh, I remember you, you were really a wild one." Huh? No, I wasn't. "Oh, yes I remember you and you were." Crash...blam.....bang....there go those memories.....
So here I am at age 4029, wondering where all my good memories were taken from me like that....then I remember that "he" was the reason....I couldn't even have memories because of him...not good ones.... Then I remember that I laid him and his memory at the foot of the cross in 1978 and I forgave him and my life changed forever.
I found a true relationship with the Lord. I was able to forgive and know I was forgiven. I met my husband. We married and have been married now for 28 years and I am still blissfully happy with him. I still have my personal relationship with Jesus and I am a changed person. So, I tell you this dear blog, so I can from this day on tell you all of the wonderful things that Jesus has done for me to make my life what it is today. I am, dear blog, completely sold out to Jesus. I am "out there." I have so many miracles and wonderful things to tell you about that I can hardly wait. But, I will, for it is late and I feel very tired. It wasn't easy putting this into words to be seen....but it was liberating to do it....it is out in the open...it is over....it is, as Jesus cried out at the Cross, "It is FINISHED."
So, I will write more here...I will tell you all about my Jesus and I hope that someone will read it at just the right time so they will see Jesus and they will also begin to walk in that new life that changes everything.....That is what I want to do. I want to tell people about Jesus. I want to make jewelry and I want to make it to the glory of God. I want to write and I want to make my writing to the glory of God. Though I am neither a writer nor a jewelry maker, these are desires of my heart, and as Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." Yes Yes and Amen! Thank You Jesus!
More later my dear blog....but now I go to rest.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
So Much Happening!
I really want to work on this blog. I really want to make it something. I have so much to write about Roy for example, which is why I began this journey in the first place, but I have said it before and I will say it again...It has simply been too painful. How long should one grown woman grieve over the loss of her little (4 years younger but 6 inches taller) brother? I do not know the answer to that question. It has been 7 years, and the grieving goes on.
Little things...like a song on the radio or seeing a teal colored jeep or going somewhere and seeing someone who, from the side, looks just like him...hair, glasses, nose; the way he leaned; the way he moved his head. I mean everything! My breath stops momentarily and I race in my mind to go hear him laugh, then he turns just a bit and it is not him....I knew it wasn't, but for just that brief moment it was.
But, tonight I am not going to talk about that. I am going to talk about my love for making jewelry and why. As soon as I wrote that I realized that it leads right back to Roy...so I am going to talk about something else....
I have been putting things on eBay once again. I remember why I quit eBay in the first place. I have a love/hate relationship with them. I love selling and I hate packing and shipping. But, in this business you can't have one without the other, so what is the answer? Well, I don't know, I will think about it and get back to you on that one. That reminds me that I have six things to ship tomorrow for sure...and I hope more sell tonight as I sleep as it is a really good feeling to awaken and find out you made money while sleeping. But, if I sell more then I have to ship more, so you see the problem.
I am almost through with the complete and I do mean complete reorganization of my studio. And I am almost ready to start making jewelry again. I am going to take a couple of photos of my organizational doors when I get them complete (I am sure you can hardly wait), but I really can hardly wait. I used to buy jewelry to tear up and make new jewelry. But, I ran into a real problem. I never could bring my self to tear it up. But I kept right on buying it. Found myself with a LOT of old beautiful pieces just hanging around.
Last April I went to Florida and my friend (bff as the young people say) and I went "thrifting" one day. I found a really neat place that was selling jewelry really cheap. I bought loads of it, to you know, tear up and make something new and cool. I made up my mind that this time I really would do it and when I got home I sat down, put my hand in the sack and said, "Whatever I pull out I will tear down. I will begin." And, I did just that. Well, to make another long story short, I tore it all down. Then I began on everything I had gotten for the last seven years (I will tell you, I promise about why I started buy it in the first place and oh yeah, why all the stones and gems and pretty things to make jewelry out of from scratch) but I digress.
I have bought more (but I tear it right up) because I am going to make these really neat pieces that I have in my head and it seems all I have done since April is buy and tear up and organize...but I am almost there. No more buying.....
Oh yeah, and in the middle of all of this my other bff came out here from Texas and spent two weeks with me and redid my deck, my guest bath, my upstairs bath and various and sundried other things to make my home really cool looking with everything she did. It was a little like "shake and bake," she did it and I helped. Then in July we had the annual reunion of the five of us from high school. At my house...my newly decorated updated changed around house.... they stayed a week. Spent many hours on the deck...they drank wine and smoked cigarettes ... I drank tea and chatted...I drove them all over town and they shopped...and shopped....and shopped.
Really an interesting group of women. Personalities all over the place. Opinions (different) all over the place. Political opinions and world news events opinions...well I won't even go there. But, I will at some point...at some point I will have just had enough and have to let it go....that must be what blogs are for. You can just let your feelings go all over the place and no one even knows. Hardly!
I am going to put up some Pinterest stuff here....I am going to turn this into a place where people race to so as to find out what bonnib is saying, thinking or doing now. Excuse me, I just had a sudden spurt of what ifs cross my mind and the next thing I knew I had written this....
Moving on....going to see Joseph Prince in November in Dallas, TX and I can hardly wait. He is my Pastor now. I know that is a little weird, him being in Singapore and I being in Nashville, but that is the way it is. He teaches the Word and is the second most anointed person I have heard. Catch him on TBN or Daystar...you won't be sorry.
Also, my friend and at one time employer, Joseph Bias is really teaching the Word on his site....get his daily devotional as well...he is in Tulsa, OK...and is the best singer of "It Is Finished," that I ever heard....I really have to get cd's, my cassette tapes are shot.....
Begin to look for more on Joe, Pastor Prince, jewelry making, ebaying and of course Roy....why does one wait until one is nearly 70 years old to start all of these things in her life? I now have so many passions and so little time....oh and I like writing to myself...therefore I started a blog! And as usual, I don't even reread what I have written...if I did, it would never get published....
See ya'll later.
Shalom,
Bonnie
Little things...like a song on the radio or seeing a teal colored jeep or going somewhere and seeing someone who, from the side, looks just like him...hair, glasses, nose; the way he leaned; the way he moved his head. I mean everything! My breath stops momentarily and I race in my mind to go hear him laugh, then he turns just a bit and it is not him....I knew it wasn't, but for just that brief moment it was.
But, tonight I am not going to talk about that. I am going to talk about my love for making jewelry and why. As soon as I wrote that I realized that it leads right back to Roy...so I am going to talk about something else....
I have been putting things on eBay once again. I remember why I quit eBay in the first place. I have a love/hate relationship with them. I love selling and I hate packing and shipping. But, in this business you can't have one without the other, so what is the answer? Well, I don't know, I will think about it and get back to you on that one. That reminds me that I have six things to ship tomorrow for sure...and I hope more sell tonight as I sleep as it is a really good feeling to awaken and find out you made money while sleeping. But, if I sell more then I have to ship more, so you see the problem.
I am almost through with the complete and I do mean complete reorganization of my studio. And I am almost ready to start making jewelry again. I am going to take a couple of photos of my organizational doors when I get them complete (I am sure you can hardly wait), but I really can hardly wait. I used to buy jewelry to tear up and make new jewelry. But, I ran into a real problem. I never could bring my self to tear it up. But I kept right on buying it. Found myself with a LOT of old beautiful pieces just hanging around.
Last April I went to Florida and my friend (bff as the young people say) and I went "thrifting" one day. I found a really neat place that was selling jewelry really cheap. I bought loads of it, to you know, tear up and make something new and cool. I made up my mind that this time I really would do it and when I got home I sat down, put my hand in the sack and said, "Whatever I pull out I will tear down. I will begin." And, I did just that. Well, to make another long story short, I tore it all down. Then I began on everything I had gotten for the last seven years (I will tell you, I promise about why I started buy it in the first place and oh yeah, why all the stones and gems and pretty things to make jewelry out of from scratch) but I digress.
I have bought more (but I tear it right up) because I am going to make these really neat pieces that I have in my head and it seems all I have done since April is buy and tear up and organize...but I am almost there. No more buying.....
Oh yeah, and in the middle of all of this my other bff came out here from Texas and spent two weeks with me and redid my deck, my guest bath, my upstairs bath and various and sundried other things to make my home really cool looking with everything she did. It was a little like "shake and bake," she did it and I helped. Then in July we had the annual reunion of the five of us from high school. At my house...my newly decorated updated changed around house.... they stayed a week. Spent many hours on the deck...they drank wine and smoked cigarettes ... I drank tea and chatted...I drove them all over town and they shopped...and shopped....and shopped.
Really an interesting group of women. Personalities all over the place. Opinions (different) all over the place. Political opinions and world news events opinions...well I won't even go there. But, I will at some point...at some point I will have just had enough and have to let it go....that must be what blogs are for. You can just let your feelings go all over the place and no one even knows. Hardly!
I am going to put up some Pinterest stuff here....I am going to turn this into a place where people race to so as to find out what bonnib is saying, thinking or doing now. Excuse me, I just had a sudden spurt of what ifs cross my mind and the next thing I knew I had written this....
Moving on....going to see Joseph Prince in November in Dallas, TX and I can hardly wait. He is my Pastor now. I know that is a little weird, him being in Singapore and I being in Nashville, but that is the way it is. He teaches the Word and is the second most anointed person I have heard. Catch him on TBN or Daystar...you won't be sorry.
Also, my friend and at one time employer, Joseph Bias is really teaching the Word on his site....get his daily devotional as well...he is in Tulsa, OK...and is the best singer of "It Is Finished," that I ever heard....I really have to get cd's, my cassette tapes are shot.....
Begin to look for more on Joe, Pastor Prince, jewelry making, ebaying and of course Roy....why does one wait until one is nearly 70 years old to start all of these things in her life? I now have so many passions and so little time....oh and I like writing to myself...therefore I started a blog! And as usual, I don't even reread what I have written...if I did, it would never get published....
See ya'll later.
Shalom,
Bonnie
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